I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
