made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
