dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
