non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
