I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish you could order shots online.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
