shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
