Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize