I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
