And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
