Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
