I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
now i know why i became what i already was.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
