You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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