I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
