I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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