Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
