dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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