come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
