I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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