Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The struggles of a small town man whore
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
