but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
