I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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