did you get engaged???
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
