OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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