my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
cat food counts as protein by the way
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
