it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
