What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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