my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
