Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
