this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
