fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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