Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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