You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
