Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
