There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
it was like eating out sand paper
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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