We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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