we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
