Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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