Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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