I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just had sex bonerless
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
