I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
