my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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