my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Girls should come with a carfax report
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just invented taco cereal.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
