We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
