did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
