You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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