She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
