I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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