you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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