there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Randomize
