Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
