He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
