dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
