I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
