Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
