So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
