Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Holy shit dude........stairs
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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