My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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